March 9, 2007


Allene Rohrer - El Cerrito, California

March 9th this year was marked mostly by pain. I had a mammogram (which normally is more uncomfortable than painful but if you have triple D's and baby, I do, it isn't a walk in the park either). The other less than pleasant part about the mammogram for me is that my titty handler is about 4'10" tall and I am exactly 5'10" tall. It is a most awkward thing, having a near hobbit sized total stranger person man-handle your mammaries, trying to manipulate triple D's onto a surface that barely fits them in the first place with her tiny little kid-sized hands. There is a lot of draping of oneself over the machine (this machine is named "Bucky" - Bucky is a sadist) and shoving bits in while trying to keep the other bits out that are attached to the bits she wants to smash like ripe tomatoes. 

Meanwhile it is my mission to keep my newly broken toe (just broken the day before) out of harms way. When your toe is broken, harm can come in many guises. Hell, I lightly brushed it against a pillow that was on the floor while I was making the bed and that was excruciating. When you have an injured foot or toe(s) you become aware of all the perils your feet actually face on a daily basis. The feet are really screwed.

So there I am trying to put the right bits in Bucky's death grasp to be properly smashed in his powerful vice grip-like jaws, virtually humping this great metal machine and having to wisp my toe out of harms way every time the hobbit comes near in her attempts to feed me, breast first, to Master Bucky. I can only imagine what aliens would have thought had they happened along that particular scene at the right moment.

Epilogue - This office gives you your results within 20 minutes after the torture is over. It is really nice to get the results so quickly. The on-site doctor poked his head in the door and told me everything was normal, no worries. Sure, great news, now can you please re-shape by breast-flaps back into form, pre-Bucky obliteration?  Thaaaaaaaaaaanks.


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